Some Basic Thoughts
Say..he who live in stone house, should not throw glasses.
say.. man with head on railroad track, listening for train to come, get
Says.. man who keep feet firmly planted on ground, have trouble putting on
Says.. elevator smell different to midget.
says..man who throw away watch, wasting time.
Says.. man sink in women’s arms,
soon have arms in woman’s sink.
Say.. never trust man with short legs, brains too near bottom.
rules to success in life 1 don’t tell people everything you know.
couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
see,” said the blind man to the deaf man on the phone…
me why you are so blind to see that the 1s we hurt are you & me.
Lord, help me to keep my big mouth shut until I know what I’m
good thing about being wrong is the joy it bring to others.
eyes are placed in front because it is more important to look ahead that
as if everything depended on GOD. Act as if everything depended on
: Public may forget, but it never forgives.
who can’t laugh at themselves leave the job to others.
who drink to drown their sorrows should be taught that sorrows know how to
friend in need is a pest indeed.
gun gives you the body. Not the bird.
forgive your enemies. They –HATE_that!.
I said before, I NEVER repeat myself.
get married if you are afraid of solitude.
you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you
say, talk in your sleep.
surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that
it has never tried to contact us.
helps you lose weight … one lung at a time!
Spouse is someone who’ll stand by you through all the trouble you
wouldn’t have had if you’d stayed single.
reason men lie is because women ask so many questions.
always leave an empty milk carton is the refrigerator just in case someone
wants their coffee black.
it’s free, it’s advice, if you pay for it, its counseling.
your wife wants to learn to drive, don’t stand in her way.
a man there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you..Tell him a
bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
every great man, there is a surprised woman.
am in shape… Round is a shape.
wife is so ugly .. A cannibal took one one look at her – and ordered
seen in a bar. “ Those drinking to forget please pay in advance.”
! excited about the first steps & words of their children. Then spend
next 17 years telling them to sit down & shut up.
man who can smile when things go wrong has thousand of someone he can
blame it on.
do we wash bath towels? Aren’t we clean when we use them?
are like diapers: Always on your ______(rear) and usually fully of Dung.
– Are are feet tired? ‘Cause you have been runnin’ around in ma mind
between a Porsche and Marcedes ? Princess Diana wouldn’t be seen dead in
is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
‘How don’t think Shakespeare wrote such master pieces?” Student :
“With a pencil, maam, either 2B or not 2B.”
I DO NOT want a friend-who smiles when I smile, weeps when I weep..For my
shadow in the pool can do better than that”.
kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.” – Plato
be angry at a friend who told your secret, for neither could you keep it
we try to teach our children all about life , our children teach us what
life is all about.
President of a democracy is a man who is always ready, willing, and able
to lay down your life for his country.
with a micrometer. Marked with chalk. Cut with an axe.
explain; your friends don’t need it; your enemies won’t belive it.
of imagination over intelligence 2nd m triumph of hope over
you noticed that the wrongly dialed numbers are never busy?
guts, no glory, no brain, same story.
does not repeat itself,--historians merely repeat each other.
need someone really bad…Are you really bad?
intend to live forever – so far , so good.
most happy marriage I can picture would be the union of a deaf man to a
inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
does a dentist want ? The tooth, the whole tooth, nothing
but the tooth.
I was kidnapped my parents snapped into action !!! They rented out my
FIRING PRACTICE : “Honey ! Did you miss me today? With every shot!”
me now – and avoid the rush.
America Based Confused Desi Escaped From Gujrat House In
Jersey Keep Lootsa Motels Named Omkarnath Patel Quikly Reached Success Through
Underhanded Vicious Ways Xenophobic Yet Zealous.
Headlines something went wrong in jet Crash, Expert Says.
Headlines Two Soviet SHIPS Collide, One Dies.
do you save a man from drowning? Take your foot off his head.
the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? The
a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success?
wife and I went back to the hotel where we spend our wedding night. Only
this time. “I” stayed in the bathroom and cried.
not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me for I may
not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just leave me the hell alone.
you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way,
when you criticize them, you are mile away and you have their shoes.
I went to the dentist. He said “Say Aah”. I said “why?” He said
“My dog’s died”.
you here about the guy who finally figured out women? He died laughing
before he could tell anybody.
used to be terribly indecisive. Now I am not so sure.
length of a minute depends on which side of a bathroom door you are
lovely person. She deserves a good husband. Many her before she finds
wife is just as beautiful as when I married her 20 years ago. Now it just
takes her longer.
needs guts to here Celain Dion’s music while swimming or boating.
give you a few more options for your wedding speech besides, “bottoms
more you sweet in peace, the less you bleed in war.
do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.
goto mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
created earth & rested, then man & rested. Then woman, Science
then, nether God nor man has rested.
in Chinese Pet Store : “Buy one dog, get one flea…”
love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you
want to annoy for the rest of your life.
am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.
married my wife for her looks…but not the ones she’s been giving me
come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss
be happy with a man. Understand him a lot & love him a little : Happy
with a woman love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
perfect guest is one who makes his host feel at home.
like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pegs treat us as
another word for thesaurus ?
know how to flatter, few know how to praise.
RECORDING Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
on a t-shirt: “The older I get, the better I was.”
different a boss and a leader a boss says, Go’ a leader says, ‘
Law : If it can go wrong, it will .at the worst possible time and in the
worst possible place.
Complain; Never Explain
Never get into a fight with an ugly person. He has nothing to lose.
The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, “What’s on the TV?” I
A beggar to aRich Woman “ I haven’t eaten anything for four
days.” Woman “Man, I wish I had your will power.”
My husband is tall (in the dark) handsome.
“ Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.”
“Happiness is not having what you want. It’s wanting what you
I don’t want a friend who smiles when I smiles, who weeps when I weep
– for my shadow in the pool can do better than that.
“How do you think Shakespear wrote such master
pieces?”Student:”with a pencil, maam, either a 2B or not 2B.”
Maam:George, on the map find North America, GEORGE : Here it is !MAAM:
Correct, Now, class, who discovered America? Class Geroge!
MAAM: If had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other,
what would I have? CLASS COMEDIAN: Big Hands!
Don’t’t worry of what other people are thinking of you . they are
too busy worring about what you are thinking of them.
Men Men -- these are
wanted : everything else will be ready : But strong , vigorous, believing
young men, sincere to backbone. A hundred such and the world becomes
revolutionized” – Swami Vivekanand