Some Basic Thoughts

 

1. Confucius Say..he who live in stone house, should not throw glasses.
2. Confu say.. man with head on railroad track, listening for train to come, get splitting headache.
3. Confucius Says.. man who keep feet firmly planted on ground, have trouble putting on pants.
4. Confucius Says.. elevator smell different to midget.
5. Confucius says..man who throw away watch, wasting time.
6. Confucius Says.. man sink in women’s  arms, soon have arms in woman’s sink.
7. Confucius Say.. never trust man with short legs, brains too near bottom.
8. Two rules to success in life 1 don’t tell people everything you know.
9. I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
10. “I see,” said the blind man to the deaf man on the phone…
11. Tell me why you are so blind to see that the 1s we hurt are you & me.
12. Oh  Lord, help me to keep my big mouth shut until I know what I’m talking about.
13. One good thing about being wrong is the joy it bring to others.
14. Our eyes are placed in front because it is more important to look ahead that look back.
15. Pray as if everything depended on GOD. Act as if everything depended on yourself!.
16. Politics : Public may forget, but it never forgives.
17. Those who can’t laugh at themselves leave the job to others.
18. Those who drink to drown their sorrows should be taught that sorrows know how to swim.
19. A friend in need is a pest indeed.
20. A gun gives you the body. Not the bird.
21. Always forgive your enemies. They –HATE_that!.
22. As I said before, I NEVER repeat myself.
23. Don’t get married if you are afraid of solitude.
24. If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
25. The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
26. Smoking helps you lose weight … one lung at a time!
27. A Spouse is someone who’ll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn’t have had if you’d stayed single.
28. The reason men lie is because women ask so many questions.
29. I always leave an empty milk carton is the refrigerator just in case someone wants their coffee black.
30. If it’s free, it’s advice, if you pay for it, its counseling.
31. If your wife wants to learn to drive, don’t stand in her way.
32. Tell a man there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you..Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
33. Behind every great man, there is a surprised woman.
34. I am in shape… Round is a shape.
35. My wife is so ugly .. A cannibal took one one look at her – and ordered salad.
36. Sign seen in a bar. “ Those drinking to forget please pay in advance.”
37. Parents ! excited about the first steps & words of their children. Then spend the

      next 17 years telling them to sit down & shut up.

38. The man who can smile when things go wrong has thousand of someone he can blame it on.
39. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren’t we clean when we use them?
40. bosses are like diapers: Always on your ______(rear) and usually fully of Dung.
41. Proposal – Are are feet tired? ‘Cause you have been runnin’ around in ma mind alllllllll day.
42. Difference between a Porsche and Marcedes ? Princess Diana wouldn’t be seen dead in a porchel!.
43. Death is hereditary.
44. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
45. Teacher. ‘How don’t think Shakespeare wrote such master pieces?” Student : “With a pencil, maam, either 2B or not 2B.”
46. “ I DO NOT want a friend-who smiles when I smile, weeps when I weep..For my shadow in the pool can do better than that”.
47. Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.” – Plato
48. Don’t be angry at a friend who told your secret, for neither could you keep it to yourself.
49. While we try to teach our children all about life , our children teach us what life is all about.
50. A President of a democracy is a man who is always ready, willing, and able to lay down your life for his country.
51. Measure with a micrometer. Marked with chalk. Cut with an axe.
52. Never explain; your friends don’t need it; your enemies won’t belive it.
53. Triumph of imagination over intelligence 2^nd m triumph of hope over experience.
54. Have you noticed that the wrongly dialed numbers are never busy?
55. No guts, no glory, no brain, same story.
56. History does not repeat itself,--historians merely repeat each other.
57. I need someone really bad…Are you really bad?
58. I intend to live forever – so far , so good.
59. The most happy marriage I can picture would be the union of a deaf man to a blind women.
60. Women inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
61. What does a dentist want ? The tooth, the whole tooth, nothing  but the tooth.
62. When I was kidnapped my parents snapped into action !!! They rented out my room.
63. AFTER FIRING PRACTICE : “Honey ! Did you miss me today? With every shot!”
64. Appreciate me now – and avoid the rush.

 

 

Abcd

America Based Confused Desi Escaped From Gujrat House In Jersey Keep Lootsa Motels Named Omkarnath Patel Quikly Reached Success Through Underhanded Vicious Ways Xenophobic Yet Zealous.

 

65. Newspaper Headlines something went wrong in jet Crash, Expert Says.
66. Newspaper Headlines Two Soviet SHIPS Collide, One Dies.
67. How do you save a man from drowning? Take your foot off his head.
68. What’s the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? The taste.
69. If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success?
70. My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spend our wedding night. Only this time. “I” stayed in the bathroom and cried.
71. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just leave me the hell alone.
72. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you are mile away and you have their shoes.
73. So I went to the dentist. He said “Say Aah”. I said “why?” He said “My dog’s died”.
74. Did you here about the guy who finally figured out women? He died laughing before he could tell anybody.
75. I used to be terribly indecisive. Now I am not so sure.
76. The length of a minute depends on which side of a bathroom door you are standing on.
77. “She’s lovely person. She deserves a good husband. Many her before she finds one.”
78. My wife is just as beautiful as when I married her 20 years ago. Now it just takes her longer.
79. It needs guts to here Celain Dion’s music while swimming or boating.
80. To give you a few more options for your wedding speech besides, “bottoms up!”
81. The more you sweet in peace, the less you bleed in war.
82. what do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.
83. She goto mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
84. God created earth & rested, then man & rested. Then woman, Science then, nether God nor man has rested.
85. Sin in Chinese Pet Store : “Buy one dog, get one flea…”
86. I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
87. I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.
88. I married my wife for her looks…but not the ones she’s been giving me lately!.
89. How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America. ?”
90. To be happy with a man. Understand him a lot & love him a little : Happy with a woman love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
91. A perfect guest is one who makes his host feel at home.
92. I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pegs treat us as equals.
93. What’s another word for thesaurus ?
94. Many know how to flatter, few know how to praise.
95. MEDICAL RECORDING Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
96. Spotted on a t-shirt: “The older I get, the better I was.”
97. The different a boss and a leader a boss says, Go’ a leader says, ‘ Let’s go!’
98. Murphy’s Law : If it can go wrong, it will .at the worst possible time and in the worst possible place.
99. Never Complain; Never Explain

100.    Never get into a fight with an ugly person. He has nothing to lose.

101.    The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, “What’s on the TV?” I said, “Dust.

102.    A beggar to aRich Woman “ I haven’t eaten anything for four days.” Woman “Man, I wish I had your will power.”

103.    My husband is tall (in the dark) handsome.

104.    “ Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.”

105.    “Happiness is not having what you want. It’s wanting what you have.”

106.    I don’t want a friend who smiles when I smiles, who weeps when I weep – for my shadow in the pool can do better than that.

107.    “How do you think Shakespear wrote such master pieces?”Student:”with a pencil, maam, either a 2B or not 2B.”

108.    Maam:George, on the map find North America, GEORGE : Here it is !MAAM: Correct, Now, class, who discovered America? Class Geroge!

109.    MAAM: If had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have? CLASS COMEDIAN: Big Hands!

110.    Don’t’t worry of what other people are thinking of you . they are too busy worring about what you are thinking of them.

111.    Men Men --  these are wanted : everything else will be ready : But strong , vigorous, believing young men, sincere to backbone. A hundred such and the world becomes revolutionized” – Swami Vivekanand